So much blood...

*warning* this might get a little graphic and/or just plain icky to some readers.

I have a condition of some sort. The line from a song (who did that song, anyway? Maybe I'll look later) "I'm not sick but I'm not well" keeps playing through my head...

It started about 6 weeks ago. My periods have been weird for a couple of years now, but I have some pretty sketchy history of bad things going on with my girly bits, so I thought little of it. Also, with no insurance and no money to speak of it's not like anything could be done about it even if something were wrong. (PLEASE, we *need* universal healthcare in this country NOW!) But my period in May just didn't end. It got a bit lighter, but there was blood in varying amounts every day. That scared me. Finally I made an appointment at the local Planned Parenthood and went in for a Pap. Ugh, hate those things, but so necessary for a woman's health. It turns out that where I had precancerous cells removed a few years ago there is some sort of something growing on my cervix. The nurse practitioner, a lovely and warm woman who beat breast cancer a few years back, had never seen anything like it. She said it looks like endometrial cells are growing on my cervix and they are what's causing the bleeding.

I've suspected for several years that I suffer from endometriosis. I have all the symptoms, but without surgery nothing can really be done. It goes again to the lack of insurance. A lot of pain, debilitating cramps, pain (and bleeding) during and after sex, menstrual cramping in weird places, extra heavy bleeding. If you're not familiar with endometriosis, let me tell you about it. It's a bizarre condition where endometrial cells (which are the kind that are supposed to grow only in the lining of the uterus) start growing in other parts of the body. Most commonly they grow in the abdominal area, but I've also read that they can grow in places as foreign to them as the lungs and even the nose and eyes. So I am very lucky that mine isn't that severe. The thing is, because endometrial lining is shed with fluctuating hormone levels, it happens with these misplaced cells, too. And you get bleeding and pain.

So I began doing some research on cervical endometriosis. There is very little info out there that I could find online, but some of what I did find led me to think that this is almost certainly what is going on with me. Several years ago I was diagnosed with severe high grade cervical dysplasia and went through a LEEP (Loop Electrical Excision Procedure, I think). Basically, they electrically cauterized the bad spots on my cervix. One of the few articles I found regarding cervical endometriosis stated that while it is very uncommon, it does tend to grow where LEEPs have been performed.

I'm supposed to make an appointment for a colposcopy, but those aren't performed at my local Planned Parenthood and I don't know how we'll be able to afford it. Colposcopies are horrible things where they stick you in the stirrups on the table then take a look with a huge lighted microscope. The worst part is that they use iodine (although apparently they can also use vinegar, but my experience in the past was with iodine... man, that stuff BURNS!) all up inside. Of all the procedures I went through during my last gynecological mess the colpo was the one I hated most. Also, I'm still waiting for the house to close, so I don't want to be stuck with a microscope between my legs when I need to be buying my house (July 3rd is the new date on the contract extension for closing to happen by).

So I'm still bleeding. I'm frequently weak and woozy and dehydrated, but part of that may well be because it's so freaking hot and I don't cope well with summer heat. I'm a little scared; I'm not losing all that much blood at a time, but can one bleed indefinitely without there being consequences for the body? I am so tired of bleeding. Every pair of panties I own is now ruined. If I am particularly active the bleeding is heavier, so getting everything done on the house could be problematic.

Other than that, things are going well. M and I are happy and excited about the house and he's working a side project or two that's bringing in a little extra cash. And I've been doing a little knitting. I intend to take pictures later of my latest brimmed summer hat and stole, so I'll post those when I get them done.

Yet more waiting

Still waiting for the closing date, but my Realtor, Bev, said that since this is a cash transaction for an as-is REO property there isn't really anything that can go wrong with the sale at this point. I'm trying to get as much stuff as I can from my local freecycle group. If you aren't a member of a group near you you should definitely join! I've given away a bunch of stuff that would otherwise have been thrown away and I've helped quite a few people in the process. I've also gotten a few things that I needed or wanted from the generosity of others. It's a very good program. I'm going today to pick up a toaster oven, some tile, some moving boxes and a microwave.

It's a very busy day for me. I also need to send off M's court ordered tax stuff and his monthly restitution and something to do with his Massachussetts child support. He's never even seen that child, at the mother's request, so I really think it's ridiculous that he be required to pay so much for a child he will never even meet. At least she's almost 18 now. Only another year or two of paying for that one. I don't begrudge the girl the child support, but since he's never been allowed to even meet her or speak with her on the phone (She was the result of a one night stand back when M was about 21 and between his first and second wives. I am so glad I was always very careful and/or very lucky in my slutty youth!) it seems silly to expect him to send money every month for a child whose life he isn't permitted to be a part of. Then again, I think a man should be able to opt out of paying child support if he's willing to give up all parental rights and it's still early enough in the pregnancy for the woman to have an abortion. It should always be the woman's choice whether or not to carry the child to term, but I know that quite a few women trap men into helping raise children that neither of them really wanted in an effort to keep the men in their lives.

Speaking of child support, M's ex is asking for more money because elder brat needs braces. Ugh. I detest that child and now he'll be even more unpleasant with food rotting in his braces. He's a pig and lazy and whiny and moody and morose, but at least he seems to have stopped crapping in his pants. I know it's horrible of me to so strongly dislike a child, but I have yet to find a redeeming quality in that one. I so dread his upcoming adolescence and puberty. I may find other things to do on the weekends we have them. I will be quite glad in 10 years when they are both grown and I no longer have to devote any part of my home to little boy junk.

In another sort of reproductive related note, I am having severe cramping today, which is odd since my period should have been over several days ago. Friday it will be two full weeks of bleeding and I am so ready for it to be over.

My first home inprovement purchase

So we went to Home Depot today and I found this faucet on clearance in a set with the matching towel rack and paper holder for $19. For some reason I am very excited to have made my first home improvement purchase... now if only I could find a great deal on major appliances. M did manage to pick up a circular saw for only $15 at Lowe's yesterday (yes, we are going a little crazy with the pricing of things we'll need, but it is so exciting!) so thus far we are doing very well when it comes to deals. And I can't believe I'm soon to be a homeowner. There is so much to figure out before we actually move in. And so very much to do... But we are taking today off.

WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!

No further details than that we got the house, but, man, it takes a huge load of worry and stress off of my back. Yes, I know houses are all sorts of work and I'll have plenty of homeowner stress, but, damnit, I won't be homeless.

More waiting...

So, the house isn't a done deal yet, that's not the good news. In fact, the news on that is a little disheartening, if not unexpected. There were more offers than just mine put in on the house so the bank asked for the "highest & best" offers yesterday. We added another thousand bucks to our offer and are waiting to hear back again. I am so anxious about this. I'm trying to come up with a backup plan, but it's not so easy.

Waiting

My realtor, Bev, said that I should hear from the bank today regarding my offer on the house. I am so nervous! Seriously, if this falls through we are screwed. M and I did the math the other night... good news is that he got an offer to become a full fledged employee of the company he's been doing contract work for. Bad news is that it's about $20K less than he was making at his last job and about $10K less than we can afford. But the security of him having a job, and a job that he likes, would be nice. It's not me that is the expensive one, either. Between his $900/month child support and all the legal fees and whatnot it just adds up very quickly. But if we get the house then we should be able to cut our monthly housing bill in half. And if his job will allow him to work from home 2 or 3 days a week then it shouldn't be too bad.

But I am just waiting today, waiting for Bev to get in touch with me. The way this whole thing came about makes it seem like fate, and as much as I would love to be all rational and everything, I am not. This *feels* right, even though it's scary and nerve-wracking. Here's the thing: the house was being listed at $14,900. I am offering $15000 cash for an as-is REO sale. I will live in the house as my primary residence (I hear that makes a difference for some reason, as does the fact that I am a first time home buyer). How, then, could the bank say no? Unless they got a better offer? The house was only listed maybe a week ago, and I think mine was the first offer. Since it was above asking price and is a cash offer, surely they will accept it, right?

We have such plans for the eventual renovation of the house, too! Money is going to be an impediment for a while, but in 6 months or so we should be doing better financially. And once we have paid back the friend who is fronting us the money for the house in a couple of years we will be in a much better position to renovate. The house doesn't need all that much work to be habitable, at least on the right. The unit on the left is in considerably worse shape, but we are even considering renting it out if we get it up to code.

Then there are the appliances. We have none. But I still just feel it will all work out. Dare I say that I am optimistic?

Something BIG

I put in an offer yesterday on a duplex in the town I grew up in. Oddly, it's across the street from a place I lived when I was 17. I am so very nervous that the offer won't be accepted, but should find out Monday, according to the realtor. It needs a lot of work, but the price was too incredible to pass up. Imagine, if you will, 2,247 square feet (both sides of the duplex) for about what we pay in rent in 13 months in the apartment. And it will be mine. I can decorate in whatever way I see fit... and no homeowners' association, so if I want to paint my door chartreuse no one can stop me! I am so excited (and nervous) but I also know it will be a lot of work. The place isn't in great shape, but it is almost livable immediately. In the long run this should help us out tremendously financially. The thing is, I need to pay back the person who loved me enough to front me the cash to buy it.

(There are more pictures here if anyone is interested. The two labeled Pershing are from a different house we looked at.)

Also, this ties M to me in a big way. I'll essentially be his landlady and he'll be renting one side of the duplex from me. That's if my offer is accepted. Keep your fingers crossed for us; this could be a wonderful turning point! (And expect a lot of house related posts in the future if all goes well!)

In crafting news, I've not been doing too much knitting lately. I whipped up a quick wrap on Mother's Day to wear with my sleeveless dress when we took my mom out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just made on size 35 needles so it would be quick. I'll try to get pictures of it soon. I've also taken up counted cross stitch and really love it. It's so different from knitting and isn't hard, but demands attention to detail. Maybe I'll make a "Home sweet home" sampler for the new house. :)